“Hurry up girls! You’re going to be late for school.” I yelled.
It was already 7:45 am when my first daughter, Elle, made her way downstairs. The second, Bailey, was not far behind when Bill sat down for his morning coffee. I had prepared breakfast for the girls and was trying to figure out what to say to Bill. I had decided to meet with an old boyfriend from college and was not sure whether or not to mention it to him.
I had met Bill right after college. We were quickly married and within six weeks I was pregnant with our first child, Elle. Our second daughter, Bailey, came along little more than nine months after the first. I concentrated on being a mother and made little time for being a wife. Bill was doing his best to provide for his family but he neglected the little things like birthdays and anniversaries. Now, the Elle and Bailey have grown up and are preparing to leave for college. This leaves the house nearly empty except for Bill and me, a couple which barely know each other.
A couple of months back, I received a letter from my old college boyfriend, Jim. Jim had been a friend, confidant, and lover to me. I waited for him as long as I could, but Jim wanted to see the world. He left one morning after saying goodbye and he never looked back. As the years go by, during the mundane chores of cleaning the bathroom or sweeping the kitchen, I find myself reliving that first date, the first kiss, the first time we spent the night together. I always smile at the memory of how Jim showed up with nineteen red roses on my 19th birthday. Jim never fails to send me a birthday card every year as if to say, I am still here. I keep the birthday cards in a shoebox in the back of the closet. I am unsure as to whether or not I am holding onto the past or wishing for a more exciting future.
I received a letter from Jim a few months back. Jim stated that he wanted to talk but he didn’t want to cause any problems for me. To be honest, I am torn. I remember the good traits about Jim and tend to push aside his failings. I do not have a great relationship with my husband, Bill, but I don’t want to hurt him, either. In a moment of weakness, I agreed to meet Jim in a diner in a small town a few miles from where I live.
The morning of the meeting, Jim called me to confirm that I was going to be at the diner. He called from the payphone in the airport.
The telephone started to ring, picking up the phone and not recognizing the number, I asked, “Hello?”
“Hi, it’s Jim” he said, “I didn’t want to call you from my cell in case your husband answered.”
I smiled, “Thank you. How was your flight?”
“It was good. I am looking forward to seeing you,” said Jim.
I could barely hold back my smile. I regained my composure and said, “Yes, it will be nice to see you as well.”
After what seemed to be an eternity, Jim stammered, “Ok, I will see you at 1.”
“Ok” I replied and hung up the phone. I could feel the blood rush to my face. I started to wonder what I was doing. How could I have agreed to meet this man? Jim was a dreamer, a writer of all things, with no real goals or aspirations. I know that nothing good will come from this meeting. I am taking a huge risk in being seen with another man in such a small town. Why am I still drawn to this man so many years later? Am I really that unhappy with my life, with Bill, with the routine? I returned to the dishes and noticed that I had left the radio on. It was playing “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton. That was our song, I thought.
It was about 12:30 and I needed to get on the road. I tried to wear something that said “sophisticated woman” and not so much, “mother of two”. I arrived at the diner and parked near the front. If things didn’t go well, I needed to be able to get out in a hurry and with as little commotion as possible.
“I chose a table near the door and sat facing it. I had to see Jim as he entered. I needed to see him before he caught sight of me. When he came in, my heart pounded so hard I felt the blood pulsing in my temples. Then, when he sat across from me and his brown eyes held mine just as they’d done so many years before, the knots in my stomach melted. The years fell away and once again I faced the most handsome man I’d known.”
“Hi”, I said.
“Hey”, said Jim.
The waitress came over asked to take our order but neither Jim nor I paid her any attention. It was as if the entire room had fallen away.
“How have you been?” I asked.
“I have been ok. How about you?” Jim replied.
“Good” I said, trying to force a smile.
A few minutes of uneasy silence passed when I finally stammered, “Where, where did you go?”
“I wanted to change the world. I couldn’t be a company man.” he mumbled.
“Do you still love me?” Jim asked.
I looked down at my coffee, slowly shook my head and said, “No, not any more. Too many years have passed and too many things have happened. I was once yours but now I am with Bill. We have a good life. Bill takes care of me and we have two great daughters. I would like to say that I love the man, but, I don’t want to lie.”
I checked my watch and said, “I have to go.”
“Don’t go!” he begged.
I stood up and left him seated, staring at his coffee, trying to come up with the words. I stood at the door and as I turned to leave, Jim whispered, “I love you.”
I looked back; a solitary tear making its way down my cheek, but I could only shake my head. I closed the diner door behind me and walked to my car emitting a despondent sigh.
I used to love that man but he is a tether to the past, I thought. He has no place in my life and I need to move forward. I put the car in reverse and backed into the parking lot. As I put the car in Drive and turned onto the highway, I felt a huge weight fall off of my shoulders. I was no longer tied to the past. I was finally ready to accept my future.
Becoming Writer 2016 Anniversary Contest 